Friday, September 22, 2006

Kissing and licking

This is to show Ferfela, yes, though I am very sad lately, Bonnie still has a sense of humor.

A man in a Perry, Ga, Walmart was
performing a religious ritual when he began licking a woman’s feet.

And it wasn’t even the Walmart greeter. Or the Rent-a-Cop.

I could see it maybe in the underwear aisle. Man sees his S.O. finally bypassing the stolid white briefs and consider a pair of sexy black thongs. Starts licking and kissing her feet in hopeful worship.

Nope, said ritual happened in the curtain aisle. It was a complete stranger. Not even his wife, who finally decided to toss away those awful dancing daisy swags in the kitchen.

I’ve been tempted to lick things at Walmart. Book covers, for example.

I adore sexy book covers. Half-naked men. I want to lick them. When my second book, The Tiger & the Tomb, was in Walmart with a half-naked guy cover, a heroine at his feet, I wanted to lick his chest. Almost did, but the woman staring at my tongue halfway out convinced me to put the book back, with a loving pat.

Licking happens a lot in romance novels. Molly Bolden, who runs Bent Pages in Houma, LA, told us at Heather Graham’s workshop about how her mom reads romance novels. Her mom is 82. She likes romance novels, but not the sexy parts. Molly goes through the books, highlights the beginning and ending of each love scene and tells her, “Mom, skip over those parts.”

To which her mother replied, “Honey, it isn’t the sex I mind so much. I just don’t understand why they have to do all that LICKING!”


Here’s to licking. Long may it live.

2 comments:

Mary Stella said...

LOLOL You know, too much indiscriminate licking all over the place isn't sexy to me either. Well-placed licks, strategic licks, sexy licks -- those are different. But I just read a book where the alpha guy promises to lick the heroine all over. It called up an image of a mother cat. (Yes, I'm aware of the pun lurking in there somewhere. LOL) I thought, "Will it be a turnon to be coated with this man's saliva or is there something sexier he could deliver?"

Bonnie Vanak said...

The English language is such a strange, wonderful animal. In elementary school when faced with a bully on the playground, we'd say, "I can lick him." Of course that did NOT mean what it means in romance novels... then, again, my motto is always, make love, not war. Hee hee. :-)