She's gone

Rainey died this morning.

We woke up at 5:30 a.m. and I came into the kitchen and she was dead.

She spared us from having to put her down. My instincts told me last night she was dying. She stopped eating yesterday, and was listless. Kept lying down. I picked her up, held her several times. She seemed to like that, me holding her in my arms.

Rainey died from cancer on Halloween. Tia was gone from cancer just before Christmas. I hate the holidays.

I'm going offline until Monday. Monday Jennifer Ashley and I are starting a new blog contest to help out new Dorchester authors. But for now, I just some private time.

Booksigning this weekend

I'm doing a booksigning this weekend with 21 other authors at the Altamonte Mall in Altamonte Springs, Saturday, Nov. 3 from 2-5 p.m. 20% of the proceeds benefits the Adult Literacy League. Stop by just to say hello and get a free signed cover flat of my new Nocturne, THE EMPATH. Click here for details.

Also, stay tuned to this blog. My friend Jennifer Ashley and I were talking and because November is our 5 year anniversary of our debut books with Leisure, we're going to run a cool blog contest. We're still working out the details, so keep watching.

Five years ago we both got published. I totally forgot. I remember how excited I was when I saw The Falcon & the Dove on the shelves of bookstores. Seeing a dream realized is very cool.

Rainey is... hanging in there. My dog is blind now. It's heartbreaking to watch her. but her other senses must be kicking in because she seems to be managing better now than 3 days ago. She's barely eating. Showed no interest in food, other than a hot dog. I think it's because she's dying and also she can't see the food. So I bought her Hebrew National hot dogs, all beef. She ate some. My kosher Shih Tzu.

I suspect she won't make it until Thanksgiving and we'll have to put her down soon.

Such is life. We're just trying to keep her comfortable and keep lavishing love on her. It's all we can do.

The writing has picked up pace a little. The next Nocturne is due in four weeks and I'm not done, but I'm making some progress, which is better than nothing. I was supposed to be in Guatemala this week for the day job, instead I'm just going to the office each day. I opted out of that trip because Rainey is so sick and I couldn't leave DH alone all week to deal with a dog dying from cancer. I forgot how much work it is... giving her all the meds, trying to find food she will eat, and because she's on prednisone, she has to pee every two hours or so. So constantly, she's going outside. And she's having accidents. It's okay. This is why we have a rug machine.

Now Tropical Storm Noel, which is predicted to grow into HURRICANE Noel, may bump our coast. Or come on shore and say howdy. Noel already killed 20 people in the DR.

Tomorrow is Halloween and we get Noel.

What. Ever.

I have no energy to do anything hurricane. Hopefully DH can get some gas for the generator just in case the power kicks out. But other than that... I'm not doing anything. It's already very windy here, expected to be at least 30-40 mph today. I bet the dudes on the beach with their kite surfing are having a grand time. They're probably zipping along the coast and the crashing waves. I can envision it now, one big guy taking his kite and next thing you know, he's in Jacksonville, looks around and mutters. "Whoa dude. How did that happen?" :-)

Negative

This is Marcus Patrick, a very sexy actor. I thought some hunk would suffice for my last post for a while.

Test results for me were negative. Relief.

Vet called, said our dog is just... a mess. Kidney stones, cancer is in her liver now, Cushings disease. Judging by the ultrasound, she's at least 15, maybe older, not the 11 years old the shelter thought.

Yeah, we adopted an older dog because we wanted to give her a good home after our beloved Tia died.

Yeah, we never thought we'd spend the latter part of this year like we did last year... caring for a terminally sick dog with cancer. Trying to ease her pain. We're not putting her on chemo. It's not right. We'd be doing it for ME, because I can't stand to lose another dog so close after we put Tia down.

DH is great. He tells me it was meant to be that she came to us, and had a loving home the last year of her life, with people who really cared. Instead of people who abused her, who didn't care.

It just sucks having another dog die of cancer less than a year than we lost Tia. But that's life. One day at a time, and you do the best you can, and move on. One reason my writing is so important to me. Even if people loathe my books, for me, the writing is a soothing balm. My imagination kicks in and gives me something else to think about other than the bad stuff.

Man, if I ever get very old, I want to be a dirty old lady who works as a Walmart greeter and pinches the butts of cute young guys. Not someone who complains about every little ailment, but someone who really cherishes every moment of life.

So anyway, going off line. Here's a bright spot to think positively. I think he's positively hunky. It's not a hump day hunk, but a Friday hunk.

Have a good one.

So much for staying offline

I had totally forgotten it was Nocturne Day. I did want to share something else, though, seeing its Breast Cancer Awareness month.

Did you know that ultrasound is more efficient in diagnosing a mass that may be cancer than a mammogram? A mammgram shows there's something there. Ultrasound shows if the something is dark, meaning it could be cancer, or clear, which is probably a cyst.

I found out because I went to get both because of the lump I found.I finally worked up the nerve to go to my MD. She says it's probably nothing, but ordered the tests. My aunt died of breast cancer, so I have to be very careful. I had the tests done and will get results back soon. And I hope and pray it's nothing.The tech told me next year they're going to recommend women get a yearly mammogram followed by ultrasound six months later.

I'm trying not to think about the lump, and the test results. I'm already so stressed about having another dog with cancer, and trying to keep her as comfortable as possible and trying to figure out the best course of action. But at least I had it done. And my cousins and I had made a promise to always get our yearly check-ups. Our mothers died of cancer. It's a horrid way to die. Neither of them went to the doctor to get checked.

Am I scared? Yeah. Any kind of abnormality scares me, with my family history. But ignoring it won't make it go away. I remember years ago a co-worker, who had a masectomy, swore she'd never again go through that. She knew something was wrong. Finally she went back for the re-check she had put off for far too long. They found something. She got scared and just took off. Ran away.

Finally she came back. They removed her other breast. But it was too late. She died of breast cancer. Cancer sucks. But they say if you can find it early enough, your chances of survival are very good. I'm thinking of a friend who found a lump when she was only 40. She had it removed, and radiation therapy and is cancer free today, years later.

Two words that are beautiful put together: Cancer-free.

Nocturne day at cataromance

It's Nocturne Day at cataromance.com. Stop by to post questions of Nocturne authors like me and read interviews. You'll get to meet the other authors like Lori Devoti, Lisa Renee Jones, Cynthia Cookie and Vivi Anna.

And ignore that part in my interview about me growing up as a werewolf. Yeah, childhood could be a little hairy at times and I did love full moons, but I was a perfectly normal child. Except for that one time when I bit the neighbor's ankle...hmm...

Bad news

Hi everyone. I'm going offline for a while, only going online to check out certain canine chemo options. Very bad news from the vet today. Rainey, the Shih Tzu we adopted in January after we had to put Tia down in December from liver cancer, has lymphoma and Cushings Disease.

The vet gave her 6 weeks without chemo. The cancer is malignant.

I really am not in the mood to post anything and I still have a book due in December and the day job. Life goes on despite bad news. I'm also awaiting test results for myself.

Last week I found a lump. With my family history (my aunt died of breast cancer), I went to the doctor. I will find out results this week.

So I'm going offline for a while. Best of luck and I hope your days are full of nothing but good things.

Guest blog at FRESH FICTION TODAY

Click here to read about When Romance Authors CHEAT on their Heroes.

The Falcon & the Dove on hip hop

Watch the You Tube video below and you'll see my first book, The Falcon & the Dove. Hilarious. But WHAT are they doing with those apples? Thanks to Deepa for tipping me off!

Armand Van Helden -- NYC Beat

No reservations

I love this show.

Anthony Bourdain just said he's having some kind of bean curd crisis. He's in China and called a dish "looks like jellied mop water."

He's a smart ass food tour guide who exposes other cultures and food in a way that makes raw pork seem... appetizing.