Tuesday, August 16, 2005

Haiti & spam

Funny how life shifts like sand on a dune. Last week I was concerned about my body, the neurologist, yoga, reducing tension in my life. Taking care of me. Writing romance for fun and to ease stress. Breathe in. Breathe out. Calm.

Now all the sudden I may be going to Haiti next month.

Breathe in. Breathe out. Okay, now panic.

Like I said, funny how life shifts. Already I feel the tension back in my neck. Reason we will go? We need to squeeze in a trip before elections in November. Right now we hear it is “calm.” Traveling to Haiti is like that scene from Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade where Indy maneuvers his way through booby traps to get to the grail. You try to dodge the violence, rush there when there is a bit of peace, do all you can as fast as you can, and then rush home.

Spammers have attacked my blog, thus the reason I shut down comments. I am going to leave this post open and see what happens. The minute I get a spam attack, sorry. Comments go. They aren’t even creative spammers, like the types I get on my email account. Did you know all love enhancers can be found on one portal? Or that my wife will find me more attractive if I increase a certain bodily fluid? The big thing now is the spam coming not from Niger. It’s the spam from an “agent in Europe.” Look at this beauty I had to open from a guy named Fagan (like the character in Dicken’s Oliver Twist?) Rooms for girls who want to model? Is that what they are calling it now? I love the chutzpah of these spammers. I just wish they would learn to spell.


HELLO SIR,

MY NAME IS PHIL SANDERS,I AM AN AGENT IN EUROPE ,I NORMALLY
GET ROOMS FOR GIRLS WHO WANT TO MODEL ,SO I HAVE A COMPANY
IN THE U.S. THAT WILL NEED SOME GIRLS WITH A DIFFERENT ROOM
FOR EACH OF THEM, I'M INTERESTED IN THIS YOUR APPARTMENT SO
THAT I CAN REACH THEM EASILY. (Sure Fagan. I bet you want

to "reach" them easily!)

THEY WILL BE COMING BY THE END OF SEPTEMBER BY GOD'S GRACE
.SO LET ME KNOW WHAT IT WILL COST,FOR RENTAGE FOR AT LEAST
6 MONTHS AND OTHER EXPENSES THAT I'M LIKELY TO INCURE SO I
CAN EFFECT PAYMENT AS SOON AS POSSIBLE.THE COMPANY

WILL ISSUE YOU A CHECK AS SOON AS WE AGREE ON
TERMS.

AVAIL ME WITH THE NECESSARY DETAILS IMMEDIATELY PLEASE.
BETTER STILL YOUR FULL NAME,CONTACT ADDRESS AND PHONE
NUMBER FOR FAST COMMUNICATION.THANK YOU.

FAGAN

Here's what I would reply:

Dear Fagan,

Girls who want to model? No thanks. Give me ten cute cabana boys with sculpted muscles who will wait on me hand and foot, feed me grapes and frozen cocktails with little yellow umbrellas and maybe we can talk. Better yet, get me a dozen hard-working maids and I will be happy to share my living domicile with them in exchange for housework. You should see all the laundry I have.

Bonnie

http://www.bonnievanak.com

3 comments:

Anonymous said...

Hi Bonnie:
I was just thinking about you and wanted to say hi!!! Sorry to hear about the muscle spasms and the trip to Haiti. Oh, I hate traveling and it must be scary to go some place where things can change so quickly. Be safe, okay?

Stacey Klemstein

Toni Lea Andrews said...

Spam Questions:

1. Who told everyone about my small penis problem?
2. Who told them I can't get my (small) penis hard?
3. If I can't get (my small penis) hard, what good is it to have bigger ejaculations?
4. With the aforementioned (size, hardness & semen quantity) problems, why would I want to virgin sluts doing it with farm animals?
5. When did I get a penis, anyway???

I suppose there are no answers to these questions. Thankfully, I can keep my mind off these issues by helping out sick people in Nigeria, especially now that I have all that money I inherited from a previously unknown relative in the UK...

Toni

Bonnie Vanak said...

Hey Stacey, thanks for stopping by! Yeah, Haiti is a scary place... oh well. Hope I get to see you next year at RT!

Hmmm Toni... I never knew about your small penis problem. If you want, I have some spam that can help, but I think you will be too busy winning the lottery in Niger. ;-)

Bonnie