Monday, August 29, 2005

50,000 topless virgins, a leopard-skin loincloth & the Great She-Elephant

And now, for the lighter side of life...

50,000 topless virgins are dancing for the privilege of being the king of Swaziland’s next bride. They sing tributes to the great She-Elephant, (no kidding), otherwise known as the king’s mom.

Chance to get a cell phone, a Beamer and call your MIL a she-elephant. Sounds good to me.

Wonder if the MIL is the great She-Elephant, does that mean her son has a substantially-sized “trunk” of his own?

Okay, bad joke.

MSNBC has the story. Seems the king, 37, wanted the national ritual to pick a new wife (already has a few in the royal stable). Said king wears a leopard-skin loincloth. Must be his "picking out a new virgin" outfit. The virgins perform the reed dance and he picks one to be his wife. He paid a fine of one cow to lift the ban on sex with virgins.

One cow = one virgin.

The virgins all wear chastity scarves. Supposed to ward off preying men. I’ve heard of chastity belts, of course. But a scarf? Is it Hermes? Silk? How does the scarf ward off lusty men?

Doesn’t seem very effective to me. If items of clothing are used, might I suggest a chastity steel-toed boot that plays a classic Stones tune? When you kick something with it, it plays “Can’t get no satisfaction.”

Lusty panting male: There she is! A VIRGIN! The last one the king hasn’t nabbed yet! She’s mine!
Virgin: Back off, you lusty panting male! I’m armed with my chastity boots!

Kicks lusty panting male squarely in the ballocks with steel-toed boot. Mick’s voice warbles out, “Can’t get no satisfaction.”

Lusty panting male doubles over, howling. Virginity preserved. Lusty panting male starts thinking maybe a nice older widow the age of the Great She-Elephant might be better for nooky. And he’ll save himself a cow or two.


Mary Stella said...

Somewhere in that hysterical story is a twist on the old, "why buy the cow when you get the milk free" philosophical question. In Swaziland you can't get either the cow or the virgin for free.

Bonnie Vanak said...

LOL! Good point!