Sunday, January 16, 2005

A gay bomb?

News Flash: In 1994, the Pentagon nixed a proposal to develop a gay bomb. It was part of a $7.5 million request from an Air Force base Ohio lab to fund non-lethal chemical weapons.

A gay bomb? OMG, I can see it now, the guys from QUEER EYE doing covert missions, dropping into enemy territory, criticizing the camouflage (Oh horror! They have pleats!), bemoaning their "nose bush" no-no's. What would such a bomb contain? Photos of Judy Garland? What yahoo dreamed up such an asinine idea? Did they think that you drop a gay bomb and suddenly the enemy gets amorous and they all attack each other in a wild sexual orgy? This is where my tax dollars are going? Sheesh…

Why don’t they just invent a non-lethal bomb that spurs cooking among the enemy? Instead of training in weapons and warfare, they will be unable to resist the impulse to rush to the kitchen and whip up a delicate concoction that would make Martha Stewart, imprisoned or not, weep? Imagine the world with men in kitchens instead of the battlefield. Wars of haute cuisine. The Epicure Bomb. “MY cilantro lime chicken is better than YOUR prosciutto-stuffed pork chop.” And when things get real serious and they must fight? They can all pelt lentils at each other.

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