Wednesday, January 19, 2005

Mad Lib Authors

Daydreaming of pseudonyms…

Cinnamon Struts (nice and spicy)
Foodles McBride (Scottish ring to it)
Johnson Ogle (no explanation needed)
Johnson Little (dare me!)
Rosie Cheeks (Hmmm)
Sue D. Nims (ha!)
Velda Dark (gothic)
D. Flower (trite)
Monica Fox (nah)
Monica Lewinsky (I think this one is taken)

A friend commented recently about best-selling authors who write crap. “How does this crap get published?” she wondered. “I mean, ten thousand monkeys pumped up on crack could write better.”

I told her ten thousand monkeys on crack didn’t need to write better if they were tagged with a best-selling name. Some authors could fill out a form and insert words, like the old Mad Libs we once did, and it would get published and sell a gadzillion copies. Invent your own book! Like this: (Choose one of each in the following sentence):

“He (stroked) (caressed) (tickled) (squeezed) her (plump) (rounded) (pear shaped) (breast) (butt) (nose) as she cried out while (writhing) (undulating) (calculating her income tax). But his overpowering (masculinity) (sensuality) (body odor), which had caused hundreds of women to (faint) (surrender) (resolve to join a convent) stirred deep (desire) (passion) (flatulence) within her. All she wanted to do was (jump his bones) (lick him like fat-free chocolate) (watch old Bonanza reruns) as he massaged her with (scented oil) (hot lotion) (WD-40).


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