Wednesday, August 30, 2006

An interview with Graham from THE PANTHER & THE PYRAMID

Ernesto is still lingering and blowing weakly. Yesterday was the official release date of The Panther & the Pyramid. I was too busy cooking lasagna, doing laundry, cleaning and watching The Weather Channel to celebrate. So I’ll mark the occasion today by bringing you an interview with Graham Tristan, the Duke of Caldwell, the book’s complex hero.

Bonnie: Graham, thank you for taking time to be with us today…

Graham: Is this going to take long? I’m presently occupied with a very important matter.

Bonnie (gritting teeth): What matters? I’m trying to give you exposure here, dude.

Graham: I already have exposure and it is that present exposure that is requiring my complete and undivided attention.

Bonnie: Of what?

Graham: Jillian’s bare bottom. It’s quite a lovely, rounded bottom.

Bonnie (sarcastically): Well, why don’t I just give you a minute to admire the view?

Graham: I can’t. It’s obscured.

Bonnie: By what?

Graham: Me.

Bonnie, growing embarrassed: Oh sheesh, don’t tell me you’re boinking her again! I only wrote in six love scenes in PANTHER!

Graham: Eight. I’m on page 240. Then I’m skipping the rest of the book and going onto the next love scene.

Bonnie: You can’t! You just can’t! You have treasure to find, battles to fight, enemies to engage, damnit! WHAT ABOUT THE PLOT?!!

I just want to have sex. It's all your fault. If you hadn't made me lose my virginity in the first chapter, I never would have become so obsessed.

Bonnie, grumbling: MY fault? Men!!!! That’s ALL THEY THINK ABOUT ALL THE TIME. SEX, SEX, SEX!!!!

Graham: And your point is? I must leave. Jillian’s asking me why I stopped and I told her that you, our creator, interrupted. She has two words for you.

Bonnie: Thank you?

Graham: Sod off. We’re busy. Good-bye!

Bonnie, sighing: Characters. You nurture them, sweat blood and tears over them, give them a book and this is the thanks you get.

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