Wednesday, June 08, 2005

Porn

I think the solution to my author angst is to quit writing romance, and go straight to writing porn. No holds barred, full steam ahead sex stories. NO romance in them whatever, so they're NOT erotic romance or erotica. Just straight sex sex sex sex. NO more romance, no emotional investment, no ripping my guts out and agonizing over my characters. What the hell, I’m already accused of writing porn by people who don’t read one word of my books, might as well charge straight into it! Of course, I need a new name. Think I’ll call myself Snidely MacKenzie. Nice Scottish flair. My first book will be about a foursome in a tree. No, make it a “fivesome.” One woman and four guys. I’ll call it SPLINTERS.


SPLINTERS

Chapter One
Copyright by Snidely MacKenzie

She had seen THREE MEN & A BABY, but Buffy Snopes had never done four guys in a tree.

Excited beyond belief, the blond-haired, blue-eyed sex demon from a remote New Jersey suburb reached for the nearest man. Gosh, thought Buffy as she wrapped her hand around his big, thick length. He's so large! How will I ever cope! She stroked the massive member, shuddering in delight at the rough, knotty texture. So long and hard.

"Buffy?" Stephen asked. "Why are you caressing the tree limb?"

Disappointment stabbed her. Fuck, Buffy thought. I have to learn to lower my expectations. Severely.


Then again, I’m still torn. I mean, I love writing romance and reading it. So maybe I should do a “clean” version that is RWA approved. And I really don’t know if I can write porno. Maybe I can write clean porno?

SPLINTERS

Chapter One
Copyright by Snidely MacKenzie

She had seen THREE MEN & A BABY, but Buffy Snopes had never (done fucked screwed made wild nookie done the mattress dance had wild monkey sex with) met four guys in a tree.
Excited beyond belief, the blond-haired, blue-eyed (sex) love demon from a remote New Jersey suburb reached for the nearest man. Gosh, thought Buffy as she wrapped her hand around his big, thick (length third leg raging love pole purple passion love rod

baby making stud machine) thingie. He's so large! How will I ever cope! She stroked the massive (member) love thingie!, shuddering in delight at the rough, knotty texture. So long and (hard) durable.

"Buffy?" Stephen asked. "Why are you caressing the tree limb?"

Disappointment stabbed her. (Fuck) Gosh darn it!, Buffy thought. I have to learn to lower my expectations. Severely.

http://www.bonnievanak.com

3 comments:

FerfeLaBat said...

I had no idea you had a sense of humor! THAT was funny as hell. I had to set my salad aside just to tell you, thanks for the laugh!

Patti O'Shea said...

Bonnie,

Too funny! But you forgot one. The infamous (or is that notorious?) purple helmeted warrior of love. (snort)

Patti

Bonnie Vanak said...

Sorry I interrupted your lunch, Cindy. I hope you didn't spew salad out of your nose. Yeah Patti, I forgot the purple warrior. But I didn't want too much "purple prose" in my text, lol.

bonnie