Tuesday, August 14, 2007

Florida needs a giant condom

Tropical Storm Dean is now official. In five days, it's predicted to turn into a cat. 3 hurricane and the latest projections, though there is plenty of room for error, say Florida may be a target.

Oh joy.

Here we go, again. I have two weeks to finish this Dorchester historical and they say we might get a hurricane? A big weally weally BIG one?

I'm sick and tired of hurricanes. After Wilma in 2005 dumped a tree on our house and caused lots of damage, I decided I've had enough. We have the brightest and best minds in science in this country, so why can't we invent something that keeps them away from my state?

Face it, Florida sticks out into the Atlantic and the Gulf like a giant, well, penis. South Florida, where I live, is the tip and Tallahassee is the balls. Considering what politicians do in Tallahassee, they do have plenty of ... balls.

It's like the whole damn state is dangling out there like manly parts, taunting hurricanes from August to October, the busy season, saying, "HERE I AM, WITH MY BIG GIANT MAN FLESH, COME AND GET ME!"

But hurricanes transmit the deadly STD. Storm Transmitted Disaster.

Now, using the analogy of sex, if Florida is a giant dick, then what do you need to protect a giant dick from an STD?

Why a giant condom, of course.

I suggest scientists invent a giant condom to wrap around the state of Florida for hurricane season. Magnum sized.

Maybe then I can chill during hurricane season.


carrie_lofty said...

I think I'm glad my husband didn't get those jobs in Jacksonville or Tampa. Good luck braving it and the WIP :)

Kristie (J) said...

You certainly have a wonderful sense of humour over the whole hurricane potential disaster!! Here's hoping they are all wrong - and not all wet!

FerfeLaBat said...


Time to hit the liquor store.

Bonnie Vanak said...

It's going to slam right into Jamaica and Florida is spared. I like living in Florida, Carrie. Just not during hurricane season.

Hey Kristie! Good to see you.

Ferfela, liquor is always in my cabinet during hurricane season. That and gas for the generator so I can run the blender are two priorities.