Monday, November 08, 2004

Warriors & turkeys

Wow, so long since I’ve written in here. Truth is, I’ve been “blogged down.” Okay, bad pun!

So much going on, and today I glanced at the calendar. Ever have one of those, “AAAKKK” moments? The kind you get when you realize Thanksgiving is only 2 weeks away. That little fluttery feeling of panic that says, “Hello! Guess what, the HOLIDAYS are almost here.”

Thanksgiving, which means cooking A Big Family Meal. Even though we don’t have a Big Family Gathering. This year, friends invited us over. I’d love to go. Honestly, I can’t cook. I burn water. But DH loves turkey leftovers. He insists on doing the bird each year, otherwise, our turkey would resemble something tossed into a nuclear reactor. Heck, it would probably even glow green.

I wonder about Big Family Gatherings during Thanksgiving. I mean, are all the Hallmark and grocery store commercials true? Does everyone smile and bill and coo at each other? And what if you took a family totally unaccustomed to the Thanksgiving tradition and put them into a similar setting?

I envision forcing Egyptian Khamsin warriors to cook Thanksgiving dinner. They’ve invaded my kitchen and in total silent amusement, I sit back to watch.

Jabari: This bird, one calls a turkey, it is taking a long time to roast. I think Ramses should have bought a smaller fowl.

Ramses: You are the real turkey, Jabari. Perhaps we should roast you.

Jabari: Shut up and boil these small round white objects, Ramses. Or do you not know how to boil water?

Kenneth: They’re called potatoes, Jabari. Will someone tell me when the oven is free so I can bake the rolls?

Rashid, reading package back of corn: Microwave ten minutes. This looks simple enough.

Jabari, frowning at jar of gravy: Who is this Mr. Heinz? And why should we put his sauce on our food?

Dinging sound. Rashid opens microwave and eyes soggy, heated box of corn. Mutters: This does not look appetizing at all.

Kenneth, snapping at Rashid: You bloody fool! You’re supposed to take the corn OUT OF THE BOX before you microwave!

Rashid, bristling, removing scimitar: Call me a bloody fool? Prepare to defend yourself!

Kenneth, taking electric carving knife and assuming dueling position: Go ahead if you are man enough!

Jabari, snapping: ENOUGH! Stop this foolishness and help me determine if this bird is done.

Ramses: Check the red button. Has it popped out yet? That is how I know Katherine was done when she was pregnant with the twins. Her belly button popped out.

Jabari takes turkey out of oven. Foul smell hits the air. Men look down silently at burnt bird:

Kenneth to Jabari
: You were supposed to move the innards.

Jabari (defensively): I am sheikh of the mighty Khamsin warriors. Not CHEF of the mighty Khamsin warriors!

Kenneth, sighing: Let’s go to Cracker Barrel.

Rashid, nodding: We can take my camel.

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