Saturday, February 12, 2005

Does size matter?

Fark has an amusing article from Glen Aubrey, NY on how an “explicit snow sculpture” of very large male genitals had locals gasping. Six feet tall. Some laughed. Some complained to the sheriff. Said sculpture was removed the following day.

I wonder if the ones who complained felt inadequate.

Six feet, yeah, I would say that’s a little overdone. It reminds me of the very amusing scenario I encountered in Jamaica last year. In downtown Kingston, near a hotel where we stay, there is a park called Emancipation Park. They unveiled a bronze sculpture of a naked man and woman. They are facing each other. They are about 11 feet tall. The man’s equipment is displayed to the world and it is rather large equipment indeed.

When I remarked on this to one of my co-workers, she laughed. The penis size stirred a huge controversy in Jamaica. People complained the man’s genitals were “too big.” The sculptor who created the statue says she did not purposely enlarge that particular part and noted how the man has muscles in his torso and butt and the female is also well-endowed.

Of course no one’s complained about the breast size. Just the penis.

The sculpture is supposed to represent freedom from slavery, same reason why the park is named Emancipation Park. One jocular newspaper columnist called it “The emancipated penis.” He noted that simply because European statues have small ones, doesn’t mean Jamaica must. The Gleaner, the local paper had a column simply titled, “Jamaica Aroused.”

Ironically, there is ANOTHER sculpture of a nude couple, only they complained that man’s equipment was “too small.” If you’ve ever been to Jamaica and flown into Norman Manley airport, you’ll see it on the drive from the airport as the road hooks to the left on the way to Kingston.

Which brings to mind Goldilocks and the three bears. I could steal a line from Sex & the City and call her “Goldicocks,” but I won’t. Goldilocks and the three (what should I call it? Penis? Manhood? Purple warrior? How about Bronzed Male Part?) Bronzed Male Parts. One was too big. One was too small. Surely one could be “just right.”

I think they should remove the big guy and replace it with the smaller guy. Then have the classic Bob Marley lyrics underscored beneath the man’s smaller equipment: “We're coming in from the cold.”

Shrinkage. Solves everything.

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