Wednesday, October 13, 2004

Mouthy heroes

Okay, I think I’m nailing down Rashid’s character. His internal conflict, goals, personality. Rashid is dark, complex. A bit violent inside. He’s tormented and brooding because he longs to…

Deep male voice from the side, clearing throat: Ah, excuse me.

Me, startled: Whatthe…

Rashid: Did I hear you crow about creating me? Something about internal conflict, goals.

Me: Uh, yeah, and I think…

Rashid: YOU think. Always you you you you. What about ME? Have you once considered MY feelings? My needs? Who I really am?

Me: I thought that’s what I was doing…

Rashid: Oh fine, fine. Tormented. Brooding. Violent inside? I think not. Do you really know the real me? What about my hobbies? My hopes and dreams?

Me: Uh, okay, your hobbies? What about sharpening your scimitar? Is that a hobby?

Rashid, sarcastically: Very amusing. You’re not listening to me. You never listen!

Me, sighing, rolling eyes: All right, all right. Go on, tell me.

Rashid: Perhaps I would enjoy picking wildflowers. Conducting a session on centering your chakras. Why not bring out my tender, gentle side? The woman inside of me? Did you know I bake a mean vegetarian casserole?

Me: Whatthe…

Rashid: I don’t eat meat.

Me: You’re a WARRIOR. You HUNT.

Rashid: I want a vegetable garden. And a cute, floppy straw hat. My skin is very sensitive to the sun, you know.
Me: Oh sheesh! Where the hell did YOU come from? Listen here, buddy. You’re a MAN. An alpha hero. Women readers don’t want you to bake or warble about chakras or lisp Zen poetry OR wear prissy hats!

Rashid, indignant: And how would you know?

Me: Go away. Just git. Go, shoo! You’re morphing into some lame, wussy hero. Next thing I know you’ll be demanding I put you in a scene holding hands around the campfire and singing “Kumbaya.”

Rashid: Oh the humanity! You’re limiting me according to your demands. I want to be ballet dancer, not a warrior. Ah, to leap and take flight across stage, to express my inner self through dance…

Me, pressing DELETE key: Buh bye! Muttering: Damn, knew I shouldn’t have watched that Sex & the City episode on gender swapping last night!


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