Tuesday, June 20, 2006

Raise the lingam!

Pilgrims trekking for miles in Kashmir to worship a giant penis made of ice received news that it made have been artificially erected instead of naturally raised. One devotee claims the giant lingam, which is honored as a symbol of the god Shiva, is “made of soft snow and not ice.”

A giant, soft penis. Hmmm.

A Hindu cleric called for a judicial “probe” of the giant dong to see if it were indeed raised manually or is the product of mechanical erection. Say, by Viagra. But I thought cold causes shrinkage? Didn’t these guys ever see “Seinfeld?”

I can envision Elaine, George, Jerry and Kramer trudging to view the Big Lingam, arriving at the cave and critically analyzing it.

George: I can’t believe you dragged me here to worship a giant penis, Elaine.

Elaine: Not worship, George. Prove a fact. I told you the cold/shrinkage issue is just a myth. See? You were wrong. Does THIS look like shrinkage?

George: I was NOT wrong and this is an artificial penis so it doesn’t count! It was shrinkage, shrinkage!!!

Kramer, musing: I could sell replicas of this in Times Square. Like popsicles. Call it Kramer’s Giant Miracle Dongsicles.

Jerry: Kramer, no don’t chip off the …

Crash! Giant penis lies broken in tiny shards on cave floor.

George: See? I told you. Cold causes shrinkage, Elaine! Shrinkage!


Toni Lea Andrews said...

Hahahahaha. But an artificial erection is better than no erection at all.

Bonnie Vanak said...

I dunno Toni. That's a hard thought to ponder. Ha! Okay, back to coffee and waking up. It's too early for puns.