Wednesday, May 25, 2005

Dancing elephants

Still sick. Too weary to do anything constructive, such as answer all the e-mail I have waiting. The herd of elephants in my body quieted and now they’re elephants wearing stilettos doing the Riverdance. I finally caved in and went to the doctor. Does THAT hurt? YEOW, answered I as they tried to pry me off the ceiling tiles.

I dragged my weary self to the pharmacy, thanking God for health insurance. I have a mental image of the lovely hitchhiker in my system saying to his friends, PARTY AT BONNIE’S. And all these little microbes chortling with glee as they live long and prosper in my aching digestive tract.

So I bought comfort food, tomato soup and Wonder bread. Then settled down with Hard Eight and proceeded to hoot with laughter while reading in bed. I love Stephanie Plum. Now I have a hankering for jelly crumb cake DH brought back from Kohout's Bakery in Patterson. Stephanie Plum may have the Italian hand gesture thingie going on, but hey, I got a POLISH connection, you heah?

http://www.bonnievanak.com

Monday, May 23, 2005

Star Wars

Still sick. But did get to see Revenge of the Sith! Yeah! Good movie, not as good as the first, (I still think the first was the best!) but lots of entertainment. Can’t resist writing a parody.

Star Whores (a parody)
Scene: The darkest moment has come as Ani confesses to Padi and his friends his growing urge to turn …

Ani: Yes, I fear I must turn… the droids, I lust after them. Ever since I was a young boy growing up on sandland fixing droids… the sand got into my brain. I have the compulsion to give menacing looks while tossing my now long locks and telling everyone how confused I am. It is the droids I realize I have the true calling to bond with. I cannot resist… running my hands over that smooth, chilled metal. Oh, I am so confused. Am I into metallurgy or a metalorgy?

Padi: Ani! Don’t leave me for those… metalheads!

Ani: Sorry Padi. I must go over… to the other side.

Oh-bi-Gone: Ani! You must resist the dark side of the farce.

Yodi: Go not to dark side you must.

Ani: Shut up little green thing who speaks backwards bad movie dialogue. Kiss Kermit you should.

General Grevious: Ah-HA! I am resurrected by spare parts found off an old ’57 Ford.

Ani: And your exhaust is really NOT working. You’re farting up a storm of oil. You smell worse than Mace Windu after a five day chili eating contest.

Yodi: Insult not the Jedi council. Chili we eat yes do.

Ani: If you ate chili, Master Yodi, and passed wind, you’d land in another galaxy far far away.

C3PeedO: Oh dear. Master Ani is giving me the eye. R two what should I do? What is the proper protocol for a moment like this?

R two: beep! (translation: eat lots of chili)

Saturday, May 21, 2005

Alien invasion!

The conga line in my stomach has morphed into a herd of elephants wearing tap dancing shoes doing the rhumba. Yoikes. I picked up a hitchhiker from Haiti in my body. I'm feeling pretty miserable, but I figure this is a great time to catch up on reading (Yay! A bright spot!) I did promise a friend I'd see STAR WARS with her this weekend... hopefully I'll feel better by tomorrow. I really really want to see SW. I'm in a sci-fi mood, what with this alien invasion taking place in my body.

http://www.bonnievanak.com

Wednesday, May 18, 2005

Pa pipi la!

Calm this week. Well, for the moment. Back in Haiti, PAP, after working in Cap for a couple of days. Yesterday we drove to a congested slum where we had interviewed people about their water needs, drinking polluted water, their kids getting sick, etc. Pere brought soccer balls to distribute. He stopped the truck and everyone comes running, all these kids, a swarm like bees buzzing straight for us. Even the dogs. It was too crazy, we had to literally take off, the kids chasing us through the slum, yelling after us. Some of them chased us for at least a mile.

Kids chasing us for a mile for a soccer ball. Because they are that desperate.

I took a cold shower yesterday morning, shivering because there was no hot water at the hotel. and then I interviewed women who told me how they sob because they can't afford fuel to boil water to make it safe for their kids. They have to give them polluted water and the children get ill and are hospitalized. It made that cold shower seem a hellava lot warmer.

Outwardly, seems like the same Haiti, calm, streets bustling, no violence. But hostility simmers below the surface. People who once smiled do not, women shout out rude things in Creole about us "blancs" being there. And yet we visited with some people who are the same, friendly, talkative, like the old Haiti I once knew. Then we flew back to PAP and took the long route to the hotel to avoid a protest march. It's a holiday but there's a protest, as usual. Just don't want to get into the middle of any flying bullets.

Yesterday as we are driving along the streets, I saw spray painted in red in Creole on a white wall the words Pa Pipi La, SVP! In short, it said, "don't piss here, please."

I thought about what one woman said as we were standing by this thin, grayish stream where the women do their laundry, and this is the same water the kids are drinking, filled with trash, where the bathrooms empty into. They are drinking waste water. C asked this woman, "Why are you drinking this water? It can kill you." She replied, "But it won't kill me today. It will kill me tomorrow." And that sums it up. Surviving today, not worrying about tomorrow because God only knows what tomorrow will bring. Who cares about tomorrow when you're too busy worrying about finding food for the kids to eat, struggling to live for just one day?

The sign said it all. Pa pipi la. Because we've endured just about enough.

http://www.bonnievanak.com
mailto:bonnievanak@aol.com

Sunday, May 15, 2005

Leaving for Haiti

A few days ago, author Ellen Fisher mentioned in her blog that I recently sold to Ellora's Cave. I read Ellen's blog and was impressed with her diligence in writing, despite having a new baby. Hats off to you, Ellen. Because I can't seem to find time for writing lately and the parrot has been shrieking all weekend. Not exactly a good atmosphere of concentration. And now I must pack for Haiti. Gone all week. At least I did catch the parrot saying a new word. My heart leapt with joy as he uttered, very clearly, "Beautiful." Ah, respect at last!

Until I realized he was staring at his food bowl. Sigh...

http://www.bonnievanak.com

Thursday, May 12, 2005

Virgins & Walmart

Had a great time last Monday chatting with the ladies from Mystic Castle. What a fun group. Some of them got going on virgins in romance having sex.

Virgin meets boy, gasp! Surrenders her virginity (gasp, gasp!) and has eight dozen orgasms the first time she loses her 1) barrier 2) maidenhood 3) steel wall of resistance 5) love shield 6) concrete barricade?

Barricade? Hey that sounds like driving on I-95 everyday. Can you imagine the traffic report?

Broadcaster: Median barrier causing severe delays northbound. On-ramp is blocked. Driver is advised to find alternate route.

I write historicals, so I can easily get away with writing virgins. I like exploring the wonder of making nooky for the first time. When a virgin encounters the Great Staff of Ra, it can be quite entertaining.

Handsome Hero with Great Staff of Ra: “What is it, my sweet? Do not be afraid of my Giant Love Pole. For yes, I am rather large. Like the towering columns of Karnak is my love wand, all nine inches of me, but…”

Virgin, frowning: “That’s nine inches? Now I know why men can’t measure…”

I’m in a funky mood today. I’ve still got email to answer, tons of stuff on my list to do before heading off to Haiti Monday, but I’m procrastinating. Halfway done with edits to my Ellora’s Cave story. Will finish those before I leave.

Last night hubby and I went to Walmart and I saw The Cobra & the Concubine! Woo hoo! Right on the top shelf next to Danielle Steel. I took Ms. Steel’s book and rubbed it against my book, hoping her sales will rub off on mine. I think the shoppers thought I was nuts (the mystical muttering I did while swinging a toadstool and hopping on one foot probably did reinforce that idea).

mailto:bonnievanak@aol.com
http://www.bonnievanak.com

Sunday, May 08, 2005

Love scenes v.s. laundry and shrieking parrots

It's not easy being a writer.

Today is my day off. I still want to write an update about RT, for this blog, must mail out stuff I promised, etc. etc. Poor DH had to work all day, so determined to clean house AND finish up my WIP, I set to with cheerful resolve. I did two loads of laundry, then, as the second spun in the dryer, set about to write a very important love scene in Panther, my follow-up option to COBRA. It's Rashid's story and I want to do him justice. I always leave love scenes for last because they are hardest to write. This book has NINE love scenes, which makes me suspect my editor will need a fire extinguisher standing nearby.

Anyway, I'm typing madly away, trying to ignore distractions.

Me: A surge of feminine power filled her as she reached up, sliding her hands around his neck, dragging him down for a kiss. Her lips softened beneath the crushing pressure of his, accepting the deep thrusts of his tongue.

Parrot: SHRIEK SHRIEK SHRIEK F*** YOU!

Dryer: BUZZZZZZZZZZZZ

Tia the dog: Ruff, ruff!

I sigh, take care of the assorted distractions, return to my hero and heroine, though the mood is broken.

Me, typing on laptop: He tore himself away, panting. Hot desire tightened his face. She backed away slightly, enormously excited at having pushed him into this, a bit scared at his dark intensity. Could she handle him?

Parrot: SCCCCRRRRRRRRREEEEEEEEEEEEEEECHHHHHHHHHHH!

Me: sigh... Time to clean the toilets. Maybe a hot date with the Tidy Bowl Man will prove a more romantic distraction than a foul-mouthed fowl or a ringing dryer or a dog barking at everything in sight. I scrub and sigh as I do housework, trying desperately to envision a romantic mood to resume working. Doesn't work.

So Happy Mother's day to all moms out there in cyber space. May your dates with your heroes prove much more romantic than Rashid's, who is glaring at me now in frustration, as I left him hanging in the middle of a love scene. I guess it isn't easy being a romance hero any more than it is a writer.

http://www.bonnievanak.com

Wednesday, May 04, 2005

Where DO you put 12 half-naked men?

THE COBRA & THE CONCUBINE is now in stores! I should be excited. Instead, I’m sitting here gazing upon half-naked men.

I’m looking at my Ellora’s Cave calendar I picked up at RT at the EC party. I had pinned it to the kitchen wall, seeing if DH would notice (note to self: less acronyms). I was on the computer in the guest room when he strolls into the kitchen and…

DH: BONNIE! WHAT THE HELL IS THIS?

Me: Hee hee!

DH was a good sport. We laughed and I took it down, and then in a mood of defiant aggression, brought on by a raging case of PMS (another acronym!) I brought it into work. Mind you, I work at a Christian charity. Half-naked drool worthy male models are not de rigueur. But up goes the calendar anyway.

Me: Merrily sitting in my office, working away as a tour group passes by…

Tour guide: And here we have Bonnie…

Me: (under breath) Oh shit…

Touring guests: Gasp!

I glance up to see shocked and fascinated gazes. Riveted straight on Mr. April’s belly button. It should have been Mr. May, but hey, I wanted to give April a chance, since it’s Peter DeCicco and he DOES have a very nice belly button.

So down the EC calendar came. I don’t quite know what to do with this calendar and all the yummy guys featured on it. maybe I'll put it in the parrot's room and really give him something to shriek about.

http://www.bonnievanak.com

Tuesday, May 03, 2005


Cover model John DeSalvo. He appeared on the cover of my first book, THE FALCON & THE DOVE. Hubba hubba!  Posted by Hello

Nice scenery at RT... Winner of Oxygen TV's Mr. Romance title, Randy Ritchwood, and cover model CJ Hollenbach Posted by Hello