Monday, December 19, 2005

Why?

Rough weekend. Spent yesterday driving two hours to the cemetery to visit mom on the 10-year anniversary of her death. My eyes are still swollen. There's a new addition near the crypt to where mom's ashes are kept. A 19-year-old girl who died last year in a car crash. Her name was Nycole. As heartbreaking as it was for me to lose mom to cancer, I can't imagine that mother's pain of losing her daughter. You're not supposed to bury your children.

I don't understand why these things happen. I guess that's what faith is all about. Trust and acceptance that there is a reason. I know I have to cling to these things. Otherwise, I'd go insane.

Patti O'Shea tagged me for a Seven Things meme. Will post later. Right now all I can think about are the seven things I miss most about my mom. Her laugh. Her understanding. How she helped others. Her strength. Her hugs. Her ability to listen. And her unconditional love. Even if she knew I was writing about werewolves in bondage and sex toys. I can hear her now, "Bonnie? Werewolves? Well, it's up to you. But... I have a question? What exactly is this bondage business?"

Love you, mom.
http://www.bonnievanak.com

3 comments:

Mary Stella said...

Sending you warm hugs, Bonnie. I lost my mom seven years ago to cancer and never stop missing her.

FerfeLaBat said...

Look. We can't both be in a Christmas Blue Funk at the same time. I called it first. Come have lunch with me at the Herald. The food sucks but the view is fabulous. I'll even buy.

::Smooch::

Love,

Cindy

Bonnie Vanak said...

Thanks Mary and Cindy. :::smooch::: You guys are the best. I'm feeling better today. Hugs to you too Mary on losing your mom. The holidays just aren't the same, are they?

Cindy, I'd love to take you up on your offer! Maybe after the New Year when I have a little more time.

Bonnie