My morning workday routine is rather ordinary. Typically, it goes something like this:
2 a.m. DH rolls over and stops snoring after I jostle shoulder.
2:30 a.m. Fall asleep again. Dog wakes me up and whines to go outside. Bring dog outside, say “hello” to sleepy bird on patio, let dog in, go back to bed. Sleep.
5 a.m. DH gets up. Open one eye. Groan. Start to fall back asleep and realize haven’t backed up Word files in two months. Realize computer is starting to act cranky. Panic and flee to computer and proceed, half-asleep, to back up new Word docs.
5:20 a.m. Let dogs outside again while DH is showering. DH fed bird and left cage door open. Bird is atop cage, perched like vulture. Say “good morning” to bird 10 times. Bird stares. Shoo bird back in cage with broom, feed peanut in hopes of making friends. Bird takes peanut, mutters, “Good,” but sounds like “Hood.” Birdz in the hood? Bird finishes peanut, cover cage so he won’t wake me up shrieking at 6:15. Bird says very clearly as cloth drapes cage: “F*** you.” Sigh.
5:45 a.m. DH kisses me good-bye. Stumble back to bed.
6:15 a.m. Blissfully asleep again, wake up to dog snoring. Put her in other room, return to bed.
6:30 a.m. Can’t sleep. Think about getting up and housecleaning. Decide brain must be fuzzed from all the sinus medication and promptly fall asleep.
7:30 a.m. Wake up in panic because alarm didn’t go off. Jump into shower. Glare at stubborn soap film on shower doors and decide to wage war for the 1000th time. Scrub shower doors with soap scum remover. Shower, wash hair, scrub doors again.
7:50 a.m. Brush teeth, wash face, put in contact lenses. Notice soap scum has returned to now dry shower doors. Sigh. Blow dry hair. Realize hair is too long to blow dry in five minutes. Decide there is no Vogue photo shoot today, leave hair wet. Go to closet. Pick out nice white cotton shirt and black pants. Think about days when could fit into Ideal Weight Clothes. Sigh.
8 a.m. Let dogs outside again. Dogs run back inside, look at me expectantly. Cave in and give them ½ dog biscuit as reward for waking me up at ungodly hour. Take cover off bird cage and chirp “hello!” Bird glares.
8:05 a.m. Leave house in record time. Drive to Dunkin Donuts near home. Try to beat elderly retired couple who don’t have to be at work at 8:30 a.m. Fail. Get into DD. Inhale scent of caffeine and salivate like Pavlov’s dog. Realize antibiotics took this a.m. require food. Rack brain to think of moderate calorie food. Select one Apple N Spice donut with usual large coffee with cream and two equals.
8:15 a.m. Leave DD and start to drive out of parking lot. Realize cop is sitting in parking lot. Wait until drive out of his peripheral vision and whip on seat belt. Turn on radio station to select non-obnoxious station for drive to work. Settle on Techno music station with nice beat.
8:20 a.m. Arrive at work. Pull into Prime Parking Spot in back lot. Glance at sky and realize rain is inevitable and Prime Parking Spot will flood. Consider abandoning Prime Parking Spot but loathe to do so. Get out of car, balancing bag, DD Coffee, DD bag and umbrella. Avoid land mines left by ducks on sidewalk. Crazy man in white hat and long trenchcoat is not feeding ducks this morning.
8:25 a.m. Make it to front lobby. Eye Evil Hand Scanning Time Machine. Though I am salaried, everyone Must Scan Hand, says Human Resources. I do so while gleefully leaving all my germs on machine for rest of company to get sick.
8:30 a.m. Flip on lights in office. No one else in department is in yet. Cheerful, chipper office mate still on honeymoon. Relish quiet. Open DD coffee, take first sip. Feel human enough to turn on computer.
8:32 a.m. Pick up vacation slip and study it. Realize two weeks left until vacation and panic because vamp book not revised yet for agent. Realize happily that worked on vamp book last night and have only ½ left to revise. Stop sipping DD coffee for coughing fit. Cough up lung, resume sipping DD coffee.
8:33 a.m. Admire stylish, slender co-workers nifty beaded vest she found in closet. Glance down at white shirt and pants and then at donut and sigh. Realize I must eat donut (doctor’s orders) because antibiotics must be taken with food.
8:35 a.m.: Reluctantly take bite of Apple N Spice Donut. Realize horse pill antibiotics have given me Montezuma’s revenge and none of the calories matter anyway. Regret did not select two Boston crèmes.
9:05 a.m. Co-worker e-mails NY Times article about Haiti. Article talks about Haiti since Aristide’s departure five months ago. Armed gangs roaming areas about Cap Haitien, terrorizing populace, robbing buses and raping women. One man tells how gang boarded his bus, robbed passengers and raped two women. Police have no guns, UN peacekeeping forces are scattered throughout country. Still chaos, lawlessness and violence and poverty. Realize we are planning trip to Haiti probably in September. Think of despair, violence and hunger in this country and how things have not changed for better. Wonder if they ever will. Feel depressed and sip more DD coffee. Then think of vamp book and remember I started writing romance to give characters a happy ending. Fiction sometimes is much better than real life. Sigh.